Mamahood

I feel beyond blessed that I get to be a mom. That I get to feel the struggle that comes with it. That I get to feel this deep life changing love. I always wanted to be a mom, for as long as I can remember. But I honestly don't think I was prepared for it at such a young age. I remember being absolutely terrified. Not knowing how we would be able to take care of a little baby when we were barely taking care of ourselves. I cried a lot out of fear. The unknown of motherhood was a scary thing for me.

10 years and four kids later, I'm still scared as hell of it. I still cry out of fear. Being a mama is the most beautiful and terrifying thing I have ever been blessed with doing.  There are days that are beyond perfect and then there are days that are filled with exhaustion and frustration. There are times I fell like I've got it all together and days I feel like I'm completely falling apart. There are sticky floors and framed pictures of crayon drawings. There are midnight snuggles and screaming fits in the car. There are so many ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. I wouldn't trade being a mama for anything.

Photo: Taylor Anderson

I felt you. You were a 

pea and then a lemon.

Then an eggplant. I

followed advice. I read

twelve books. I quit coffee.

Could you tell I was

scared?

I talked to you, sang to you...

could you tell I wasn't ready?

But then you were here.

Ten toes. Eight pounds.

Love. Big fat love.

I held you. I fed you. I realized

I would spend my life doing things

to make you happy - and that that

would make me happy.

And then there are time I want

to give up. You've made me rethink

my sanity. You've made me want

fall on my mother's feet and tell her

that I get it.

But then you smile and

say my name -- and you

grab my hands with

those little fingers.

We are growing together. We

are seeing the world like

it is new. I will open my heart

and love will rain down all

over you. You'll giggle

and I'll do it all over again.

And we will walk hand in

hand. Until you let go.

I made you. But you

made me a mother.

-Author unkown

XOXO, D