Today something happened with you, and it's something that I don't want to forget, so I'm writing this down for us. It may seem like a memory I wouldn't want to remember, or you may not want brought up. However, it was what happened after the event that I don't want to forget. So here's what went down.
You picked up your baby sister (as you do quite often against our wishes.) As soon as you had her in your arms she wiggled and squirmed and you dropped her on her face.
She screamed, you cried, I yelled. I was upset that your sister was hurt, you were upset you hurt her. I consoled stevie as you sat on the floor crying. I know how sensitive you are, how deeply you feel for others. I knew you were genuinely sad for your sister and what you did. I felt tears in my eyes and they weren't for your sister, they were for you. I felt sad for yelling at you, for not controlling my emotions, for not being sensitive to your needs.
See no one tells you how hard being a parent is going to be, how you will have to learn to adjust your ways of doing things to suit your children's different needs. I didn't adjust today, i got mad, I yelled. I didn't express my concern for your sister only my frustration towards you.
After Stevie was calm, I called you over to hug and tell your sister you were sorry. Only, I didn't need to tell you what to say or do. You hugged her and kissed her head. You were still crying and told her you were sorry. She looked at you with her big eyes and smiled. She loves you. I still didn't apologize, I still didn't bend.
I went back to making dinner and you sat at the kitchen table writing and coloring. You asked for some tape and I grabbed it without asking why you needed it. Then i noticed you were writing me a note, I saw the words "mom" and "I'm sorry." I asked you what you were doing and you said I needed to wait. I watched, once again with tears in my eyes. I don't know if words can describe how I felt in that moment. There's this saying "while we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about."
And that is exactly what happened. You handed me the note after dinner and it was beautiful. My sweet Avery, you are constantly teaching me how to love better and be a more caring person. You have a heart of gold and we are a better family because of this. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving so fiercely & unconditionally and for teaching me how to do the same. I promise to work on bending and understanding your needs better. I love you more than you will ever know.
Love,
Your mama
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