messy

I'm not typically a routine girl, I never really have been. I like to go with the flow and take it easy in the mornings. I like to plan a day as it goes and 90% of the time I have no clue what I'm making for dinner. I'm not a 6am riser and I'm definitely not a happy camper if I have to be. The kids lunches are never made the night before and I rarely get them to school before the first bell ( I mean, they're not late until the second bell rings anyway.) I'm a procrastinator and usually do valentines, christmas cards and everything else last minute. My car is a mess and so is my hair. I wear black mainly because at least I look like I planned an outfit and black always matches.

So basically I'm a total mess. And it's easy to feel like I'm a total mess as a mom.

I worry that my daughters will think I'm a mess too or worse become a mess like me. Will they look back on their childhood years and remember me as I see myself now?

But the other night in the peak of the witching hour, we had a dance party. An all out T. Swift, Jbeib dance party. The girls and I laughed, danced and sang at the top of our lungs. We do a lot of that. We run to the beach house on whims. We ditch our dinner plans for the park and cheeseburgers. We stay up late and watch movies (on non school nights.) We jump in puddles and make up silly songs. We play board games by candlelight and build blanket forts to do homework in. At dinner we talk about our favorite part of our days. We love each other immensely.

The thing with being a mama is, there's no right way to do it. You have to do it your way, the way that works for you and your family. If schedules work, great. If they don't, great too. My girls are happy, they are smart, they are kind, they are ambitious. So maybe me being a mess really isn't as big a deal as I'm making it.  Maybe the love overpowers the mess. Maybe us mama's need to cut ourselves some slack and maybe all these things we think are weaknesses can be our biggest strengths. Because it really is a beautiful chaos this life we live.