Learning to say no

I'm not sure if its my age or the fact that I've gone through some dark stuff recently, but I've learned that I say yes way too much. I spread myself too thin and am constantly agreeing to do things when I know I already have 100 things on my plate. I've always been this way. I go go go, until I crash. Until I'm exhausted and frustrated with my overloaded plate.

I pick up extra shifts at work or say yes to putting together 30 gift bags for one of the girls classes. I say yes to playdates or rearrange our schedule so we can fit people or things in. I agree to host Christmas and birthdays. I do these things because its what other people want or have come to expect from me. But the thing is, its usually what other people want, not me. And I usually find myself exhausted or not enjoying myself.

So I have really made a conscious decision to say no more. It seems so easy to do, but as a serial people pleaser and a mama, it's flipping HARD. I've had to learn to say no to things that don't fit or don't work in our schedule. I've learned to say no to hosting events and adding extra work for myself. I've learned that I need to listen to my heart and do whats good for my soul. I've also had to learn that its okay to say no and to disappoint people. That's the hardest part, feeling like you're letting people down, letting your kids down. But here's the thing, those who are closest to you wont be disappointed or let down. Your true friends and family will come to understand and respect you for standing up for your needs. Your kids will see that you're putting yourself and their needs first and they will follow in your footsteps.

And learning to say no has made me a better mama because I'v also found it easier to say yes. I declined a birthday party one Sunday because that's our one family day. But then I got to say yes to movies and pj's and popcorn in bed all morning.  I've said no to after school play dates but then got to say yes to extra books at bedtime. I said no to meeting friends at the park because I knew our afternoon was already jammed packed. Then I said yes to ice cream after dinner because I didn't overload our night. I've said yes to skipping school for three days so we could get away as a family and no to the pressure to do it all the "right" way (whatever the hell that is.)

The best lesson I've learned through all of this is that we need to stand up for our time and our desires. We need to say yes to the things that make us feel good and no to the things that don't. Does this mean that from time to time our plates won't be overloaded?

No, because they will.
But that's not the point.

The point is, sometimes I'm going to want to have 20 kids and their mamas over. And I'm going to be cool with the stress that comes along with that. Sometimes I'm going to say yes to sewing 30 hats for the school music program because I promised my daughter I would. And sometimes I'm going to kick myself for saying yes to things. But through all of this I have learned that I have the power to yes or no.

I have the power to do whats best for me, for my family, for my soul.

Image via Etsy

XO, D