It's a side of motherhood that people don't tell you about. No book can prepare you for the sleepless nights, the crazy amount of emotions that you go through, the things you give up or the parts of you that you lose.
It can get lonely when you feel like you've gone days without a decent adult conversation because your husband has been working late. And you just can't muster up the energy to talk to your friends on the phone because you know your kids will be screaming in the background.
I'm sure we've all spent our birthday gift cards on our children. And I'm pretty sure my kids get new shoes way more often than I do. We make sure they take their vitamins and eat three healthy meals while we survive on coffee and leftover sandwich crusts.
I go days without washing my hair and I think it's been years since I had a pedicure (unless you count my daughters painting my toes as a pedicure.) I wish I could make it to yoga three times a week, but I'm just too damn tired. I wish I met with my girlfriends once a week for drinks (at this point I'd take once a month.) My clothes have food stains on them and my car is a mess.
No one will tell you how infuriating it can be when you are running late because your kids still don't have their socks and shoes on after you've asked them 10 times. Or how you may cry one day because all you want is five minutes of peace and quite to clear your mind.
There will be times you say things you regret and times you wish you could have the courage to say how you really feel. You may forget the things that used to make you feel like you. And sometimes you feel like all you are is a mom.
No one tells you these things.
But here's the deal...
You forget that it's been months since you had a haircut and you really don't care because you've come to like the look of a messy top knot. You cherish those hours every few months you get with your girlfriend's because they remind you of how fun and sane you really are. And the rare date nights with your hubby become little postcards that you keep close and look back on when the days are rough. You learn to laugh at the ridiculous things you and your kids say even though they may make you crazy. You learn that sometimes a good cry (coupled with a bottle of wine) is all you need.
The lonely hours quickly disappear with the smell of your newborns hair at midnight or when your three year old falls asleep on you like she did years ago. I really don't think anything can ever prepare you for the amount of love you will feel despite all the crazy that comes along with it. And yes, there are times you feel like you're just a mama. But let me just say, there's no better job in world.
XO, D
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