Well my love, we have survived ten years of this mother daughter relationship and let me tell ya, you have wrecked me.
You were this beautiful and sweet and completely unexpected adventure in our young lives and I was terrified. I didn't know what I was doing, I was alone. Your daddy worked a lot to take care of our young family, so really it was just you and me. We spent our early days walking, cuddling, learning how to nurse. We were completely and madly in love with each other. It was this crazy love that I never knew existed. But I was also so tired. A tired that I had never known existed either. We had sleepless nights that ended in crying and early morning snuggles that resulted in butterfly kisses. I would get frustrated. But then your big toothless smile would wipe the frustrations away. This wrecked me.
Over the next few years you and I really grew up together. I was learning to be a mom as you were learning to walk and talk. We went on play dates to the park and had coffee dates every Sunday. You held my hand as you slept and always smelled like your daddy. You became a big sister and man you were the best. You loved her and snuggled on her. You were always trying to help me out. You would still crawl into our bed some nights and hold my hand. I loved you even more because of this, but it wrecked me.
Soon after we had Avery you started preschool. I hated leaving you. I hated that you had this little life now that didn't involve me. But you loved it, you beamed with pride everyday when I picked you up. Your art work from school decorated our walls. You taught us all the songs you learned and couldn't wait for your sister to talk so she could sing them with you. Your little baby face was slowly looking older. It wrecked me.
You started kindergarten and we had a third baby. I remember feeling guilty because I had less time for you. I would cry about it at night as I watched you sleep. But you, man kid, you were amazing. You always were this ray of light that would ease the sleepless nights and guilty feelings. We grew a little more together. You were learning to read and I was learning to juggle three kids. You would crawl into your sisters bed and I would find you asleep holding Avery's hand. It wrecked me.
The years flew by and we had a fourth (surprise) baby. I was kind of a mess, because I felt like I was barely holding on with three kids. I will always remember one day I was crying while packing your lunch because I was just overwhelmed. You came over and hugged be. You looked at me with those big brown eyes and smiled. You didn't say a word, you just stood there and held onto my waist. You wrecked me in the worst way.
Ashlee, you are one of the most amazing human beings I have ever been blessed to meet. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I know that God was doing something right by putting you in my life. We may bicker and fight ( mainly because you are the mirror image of me in every way and I see so much of myself in you) but you are sunshine in a bottle kid. You are true to yourself in a way that not many people can be. You are shy and funny and sweet and honest. You have taught me to be mama. You have taught me what real love is. And you have wrecked me in so many beautiful ways.
I love you sweet girl.
Xo, your mama
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